Showing my son the value of education even though I was incarcerated
Before I lost 6 years of my freedom, I believed I knew everything, but my upbringing was marked by trauma and neglect due to my parents' substance abuse and frequent incarcerations. Becoming a ward of the court, my great-grandparents became my legal guardians, raising me as the third generation under their care. To cope with my parents' mistakes, I rebelled and became drawn to the streets, exposing me to negative influences and forcing me to mature quickly.
Engaging in activities to make quick money, my primary motive for attending school was to sell drugs, leading me down the path of incarceration. Growing up, educators demoralized my character and labeled me as the problem child. My great-grandparents have been the only people who have been supportive throughout my life.
At the age of 16, I was arrested and taken into custody for homicide and three counts of attempted murder. Unfortunately, I felt like I ended up validating the negative perceptions as I became another male in my family ensnared by the prison industrial complex. At Santa Clara Juvenile Hall, high school classes were mandatory to attend. Despite entering Juvenile Hall with only 4.5 high school credits, I graduated within a year, thanks to AB167, making me eligible for the college program. As I got back on track with school credits, the college liaison approached me to dually enroll in college courses. I really had no idea what dual enrollment entailed. I was feeling nervous and lacked academic confidence, but I still wanted to challenge myself. Despite never seeing myself as someone who would graduate high school, the thought of being in college was incredibly exciting. I was never supposed to make it this far. Overall, being dually enrolled was relatively easy, but there were definitely days when I felt overwhelmed and stressed out by school.
When incarcerated, I felt I had proven everyone right by being yet another male in my family to become a regular at the local juvenile hall. I knew I had to turn a negative into a positive. It was around the year mark when I gained a strong desire, and taking college was a tremendously life-changing step.
The first course I took was sociology, which I found very intriguing. I struggled to understand some concepts, but I knew it was part of learning others' perspectives. My driving factor throughout my educational journey was knowing that I am a first-generation college student. Knowing that I would be a first-generation in my family to graduate with a college degree and pursuing college gave me so much pride and ambition. As time went by I was knocking classes out and getting things done.
In my sociology courses, I studied capitalist societies through the perspectives of sociologists like Karl Marx. His concepts of bourgeoisie and proletariat served as lenses to analyze social class and inequalities in my own family's interactions with ranching landowners as farmworkers in the Central Valley picking fruits and vegetables from 1953-1959.
My exploration extended to understanding mass incarceration through Michelle Alexander's work, revealing reasons behind the disproportionate incarceration of Black and Brown men. This fueled my passion, leading to research on the impacts of incarceration on young Latino males. As the student advocacy chair for the Juvenile Justice Commission - an oversight body, I surveyed my Latino peers, aiming to understand their experiences and needs for rehabilitation.
What caught my attention when it came to sociology was that there were no people who looked like me, people of color. The big well known sociologists are mostly people not of color and I want to change that. I started to take education seriously, knowing I had to change my lifestyle for my soon-to-be-born son. I became passionate about learning about other people's perspectives, knowing that understanding sociology is based on our ability to consider other’s diverse perspectives. As I pursued my education, I was put on the dean's list three times and on the president’s list once, which allowed me to participate in the National Society of Leadership and Success (NSLS) program. After completing the program, I was able to receive a certificate, I was 20 years of age. These accomplishments meant the world to me, knowing I could show my son the value of education. Knowing that one day he will have questions about my past, I can tell him that anything is possible and that even when life throws curveballs at you, you can always turn a negative into a positive.
I received notice that my son was born on April 4th, 2018, weighing 7 lbs 8 ounces, and, according to everyone, looked just like me. I was filled with a mix of emotions: joy for the arrival of my son, sadness for not being physically present during his birth, and anger stemming from the uncertainty of whether I'd ever meet him. At this time I was in juvenile hall for two months. This unfolded when I was just 16 while also facing serious charges.
In the face of demoralization and negative labels, my resilience propelled me forward and allowed me to use this experience as an opportunity to set an example for others. As the first member of the NSLS program at Juvenile Hall, I took this opportunity to affirm my hard work because before this national distinction, I always felt unworthy of being in school. Fueled by the motivation set by the NSLS program, I enrolled in more college courses and continued succeeding in them to hold my honors distinction from the campus.
From demoralization to academic success post-incarceration, my great-grandparents' support fueled my resilience. Choosing college showcased my self-motivation, resulting in academic achievements and participation in leadership programs. Emotional intelligence and adaptability guided me through challenges, shaping a positive self-relationship and a mindset to navigate situations with determination. This transformative journey instilled a deep understanding of my capabilities and commitment to my goals. My transformation was fueled by my great-grandparents' everlasting support and my son's inspiration, which drove me to challenge myself. Their encouragement, combined with educational opportunities and a resilient mindset, helped me overcome challenges and turn past adversities into achievements.
Furthermore, emotional intelligence guided me through social complexities in childhood and incarceration, while adaptability enabled me to learn and make necessary changes. These qualities shaped my transformative journey from adversity to academic success and personal growth. Overcoming these life barriers has profoundly shaped the person I am today. These experiences instilled in me a profound understanding of my capabilities and resilience. I've developed a positive relationship with myself, recognizing my strength in maintaining a resilient mentality. This journey has forged my mindset that allowed me to navigate various situations with determination and focus, irrespective of the circumstances I find myself in.
From almost being charged as an adult to being the first youth to enter Secure Track in Santa Clara
Every 6 to 8 months, I appeared in court without clarity on whether I would be tried as an adult or remain in juvenile court. Amidst the legal challenges, grappling with newfound fatherhood, and my absence from my son's life, I lacked direction for my future. California Senate Bill 1391, under development in 2019, held the potential to benefit me, potentially keeping me in juvenile court and granting me potential release before or on my 25th birthday. This prospect offered a glimpse into the next few years and the possibility of being present in my son's life.
As one of the first youth sentenced in Santa Clara County’s new Secure Youth Treatment Program, I entered with a mix of uncertainty and cautious optimism. The program promised access to the internet, extended school hours, and a wide range of opportunities including coding, job training, and vocational training. These initiatives aimed to provide us with career path choices and equip us with valuable skills for the future.
Three years into the program, I have observed that while the educational component has been a consistent success, the introduction of other promised programs has been gradual. Although the rollout has been slower than anticipated, I recognize the potential and importance of these initiatives.
My experience has underscored the importance of continuing this academic work to pursue a career in helping my community and refining my research skills in the sociology of incarceration. By understanding the complexities and challenges within such programs, I can contribute to their improvement and advocate for more comprehensive support systems for incarcerated youth. This ongoing work is crucial for ensuring that the promises of rehabilitation and career readiness become a reality for all participants. My firsthand experiences equip me to contribute valuable insights to upper-division courses and collaborate effectively with classmates.
During this period, I learned of concerning situations through phone calls and letters, including the mother of my child engaging in substances which endangered our son. Custody battles came about as my son experienced health issues under her care. My emotions overwhelmed me, affecting my education and pushing me to the brink of dropping out of college.
Yet, it was through cultivating a stronger relationship with a higher power continuing with prayers my great-grandma and I would use and still use to this day, that I found hope for my son's situation. Entrusting my worries to God, I witnessed a return to balance in my life. My son's aunt and my father obtained guardianship, bringing a sense of normalcy to his life. Through this journey, I embraced the realization that I couldn't control everything. Instead, I focused on academics and faith.
Putting my trust in a higher power allowed me to take pride in my nonlinear journey, serving as motivation for my son to find strength in our shared struggle for a better life through education and faith. On May 22, 2024, after six years of relentless battles and overcoming numerous barriers, I was released from custody. This journey, of challenges, has transformed my life in profound ways. I returned home, having turned a negative experience into a positive outcome by earning two associate degrees. Now, I am about to begin the final two years of my education at UC Berkeley in the fall. My story is a testament to the power of perseverance and self-belief. No matter how dark life may seem, never give up on yourself. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.
