Two Separate Homes

Editor's Note:

Randy writes of the struggles of not knowing his mom until recently because of divorce. It's an experience that nearly half the children across the country share, being raised by only one parent.

The divorce rate among couples with children is 40 percent lower than couples without children. Forty-three percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers, according to apa.org/topics/divorce/. Living with divorced parents can impact the children affected by the incident greatly at a young age. Many people, myself included, have been living with divorced parents for over 10 years now, and it has changed my life greatly.

Growing up with divorced parents is something I can relate to because I did not realize how important my parents were to me growing up. It made me realize many things about my life, such as how much my life has changed living with just my father.

I was only four years old when my father divorced my mother in 2004. The lost memories of my mother at a young age, left me with only some things I can remember of her when she was in my life.

Living without my mother really affected my life in different ways. One of the most significant ways that it affected me was not feeling a mother’s love in my life and not having someone to take care of me. I lacked a mother’s compassion and homemade meals that keep me growing every single day.

Living with my father’s family, my grandmother was a mother figure to me because she was the only one who was always there for my sisters and I, keeping us fed at all times, while my father was always out working hard to pay for rent.

Over 10 years have passed, and my sisters and I have always wanted to know what my mother was like. My father would make up many lies about my mom and made it sound like she was someone who didn’t love us and left us. I didn’t believe it and the vivid memories that I could remember of her were full of pure love for us. It was around my sophomore year where I finally got to meet my mother due to close contacts between my cousin and my sister using Facebook.

Finally, I met my mother a decade later with tears flowing down both my sisters’ and my eyes with joy and happiness. After meeting my mother, she has really made a huge impact, not only in my life, but in my sister's life as well. Currently, both my mother and father are in my life taking care of me. Although they still don’t get along, it's always nice to finally have two supporting parents beside me whenever they can help.

My father is someone who I love and always tries to help me and my sister’s the best he can, with paying the rent money and feeding us everyday. Even though my father and sisters lived a rough past, we still go through life doing our best, as well all try to support each other the best we can.

My older sister found a better way to live her life by moving out and finding independence in order to get away from the pain she endured while living with our father. As for my little sister and I, we still live with our father, trying our best to be supportive of our father, as he struggles with finances and taking care of the family.

A sophomore student who attends Yerba Buena, Charlie Nguyen, has also experienced having divorced parents. He explains how his life was affected by not growing up with a father. He really never had the father love he wanted, and had a stepfather who yelled and pushed him around instead.

“I don’t feel different living with divorced parents, but I envy people who have both their parents with them still,” he said. Charlie lives his life with his siblings who take care of him and his younger twin brother.

Knowing how hard Charlie’s mother works to provide for his family of five, Charlie says, “It gives me more motivation to do better, seeing my mother working so hard to keep all of us afloat.”

Currently Charlie in his second year of high school, living with his siblings, as his mother works hours away from them, without a father helping the household, becomes more tough on them all as individuals.

Growing up kids who don’t have both parents in their lives can become very impactful and life changing. It can be really tough on those who are affected by this, creating lots of unfortunate dilemmas for both the children and their parents. Not all lovers who go through life stick with each other until the very end, and it can be real tough to cope with single parents living on child support.



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